Perfect Punishments
by Artemis Decibal
Summary: Professors Snape, Potter, Weasley & Malfoy just had a brawl fight. Dumbledore punishes them with the most embarrassing situation Snape knows. And of course, there's Snape's revenge. SS/HG,HP/GW,RW/LL,DM/PP. Warning: Characters singing! #EDITED#


**A.N. This is the first time I ever wrote a fanfic. Much less of a Harry Potter one. In this story, Dumbledore lives after the final battle and the trio does not work for the ministry but as professors of Hogwarts. Snape also lives and Draco becomes their friend. Just had thoughts about this story after I heard the song I'm Too Sexy. And then this came up in my imagination so thus this story is here.  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs entirely to J.K. Rowling.**

**A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A**

Hermione stared at his lover's deep black eyes completely entranced. Slowly, they leaned towards each other and their lips touched. Completely absorbed by the kiss, they were oblivious to where they were even showing such affection. They were standing in a corridor at Hogwarts with hands wrapped around each others hair and with bodies close. They weren't even aware of the footsteps that came down that corridor which suddenly came to a stop at the sight of them.

Draco was shocked to say the least, and after being stunned by the sight for about five seconds a smirk formed at the edge of his lips.

"Well, well, well," drawled Draco causing Severus and Hermione to suddenly break apart, eyes wide by being caught.

"Isn't it the infamous potions master and Gryffindor know-it-all. How completely shocking isn't it? Tell me Severus, how did you manage to ensnare the girl? Cooked up a love potion didn't you? Or was it the other way around? Must be hard to ensnare someone double or half your age to resort to such huh?" sneered Draco.

He became friends with them for a few years already but he's still working on getting pass of being blunt and of unknowingly hurting others, especially when he's bored. He didn't know what he had coming for saying that though. A punch from Severus on his nose completely broke his smirk as he held his bloody broken nose. Hermione pecked Severus on the lips and walked over Draco who was now glaring at the two.

"There's no potion involved in this Draco! How dare you accuse us of doing so! Just because he is older than me doesn't mean that he is unlovable! I would have loved to punch your nose again but I think that the third punch might not get it to its proper shape anymore," said Hermione and she is now noticeably the one smirking

Harry and Ron were just walking down the corridor when they suddenly saw Severus punch Draco's nose hard. Harder than they thought the man could actually do.

Ron whispered, "What could have provoked the bat to punch his former favorite student mate?"

Harry shrugged, "I don't know Ron, let's ask Hermione. Wonder how she's involved in all this."

They walked a few more steps when they suddenly saw Hermione kiss Severus' lips and that alone caused them to stop at their feet. After that little speech of hers they were purely shocked. Anger pulsed inside the two.

Harry was furious, because he knows that Severus loves his mother even though she was long dead proven by the memories given to him before, the worries that he might break her heart and of the fact that she is bloody half his age.

Ron was fuming making his face red because Hermione wouldn't go out with him as she said that they are too different and that she treats him like a brother which he accepted as he saw that they do have different interests. However, he still could not quite get over it. He did seem to notice Luna Lovegood for some time now due to her innocent charms, but his mind was too preoccupied with Quidditch to act upon the feelings he felt for a former schoolmate which he deemed loony at a time. Another cause for Ron's anger was because of all men for her to be with, it just has to be bloody Snape! The greasy git of the dungeons! The bloody tormentor of their entire seven years at Hogwarts! The one who insulted them every way he could! Although, he did admit to himself, his retorts were more witty and funny now than offensive.

"Oi! What the hell's happening here?" asked Harry, slightly breaking the tension between Severus, Hermione and Draco.

Hermione looked at him and smiled uneasily. "Well you see..." But she was cut off by Draco who was still clutching his bloody nose. "As' 'em 'arry. You 'ould know, I 'ust 'aught 'em snoggin'!"

They were all on a first name basis nowadays. It started when they all had a truce when they learned that Draco was really a supporter of the light seeing he fought for the light's side on the Final Battle killing his own father in the process and for trying to warn Severus all throughout the year of the horcrux hunt about the activities of the Death Eaters before the news was supposed to reach Severus. After that year Draco broke down for a few months and due to some skillful legilimency against his weak occulumency walls they learned that he really was just misled and was trying to fit in which was why he proclaimed his supposed prejudice. But he's really a sharp tongued person, nobody could do anything about that. The truce was also caused by the revealing of Severus' true allegiance due to those memories and by the Headmaster being actually alive just hiding somewhere in a rather long bed rest due to that cursed hand which took a lot out of him. It was a rather small thing though that he just experienced bed rest for about a year, since he was actually supposed to die.

Now they were all professors in Hogwarts after they took over the positions of the former teachers after their apprenticeships. Hermione is now the Charms professor, Harry the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, which thankfully lost it's jinx after the fall of Voldemort, Ron the Flying instructor, Draco the Duelling club professor, and Severus chose to go back to his post the Potions master as Slughorn retired once more. One of the reasons he did not go back to his old post was that he had enough of dark arts to last him a lifetime.

"What!?!" fumed Ron.

"Look Ron, Harry, Draco. I and Severus have been dating for the past few months already so a kiss isn't that much of a big deal," said Hermione.

"How could you keep such secrets from us Hermione? You know he loves my mother right? He was bloody in love with her even after she was married and seventeen years after she was dead! How could you be sure that he has feelings for you? He'll break your heart!" exclaimed a bewildered Harry.

Hermione looked a little upset and looked at Severus while Severus shifted his glare from Draco to Harry. His eyes narrowed. "Harry, I've got over your mother for the past years although I do admit that she was the original cause of why I shifted to the side of the light. But then I kept on fighting to protect you to defeat the Dark Lord and I must admit that I began doubting myself of my feelings for your mother of whether it is the reason of why I continue to protect you or because I wanted the side of the light to win. After the final battle, when Hermione saved me when all of you assumed me dead…" He glared at the three and their egos deflated a little but the look of anger and determination were still evident on their faces, "I noticed how she had grown up and of how I seem to be attracted to her. Well I won't explain all the details but it took us a couple of years or so to finally act upon our feelings and it took her a lot of time convincing me too."

Harry seemed to accept this since he was still shocked for this sudden rather long exclamation of feelings from the man and nodded his head in understanding. "Alright, everyone does deserve to be loved. In whatever form it is, but you must be prepared if you ever break Hermione's heart or else you'll face the end of my wand and something nasty will come to you that I guarantee!"

Snape smirked at that and nodded but clearly Ron wasn't taking the news as well as Harry.

"Blimey! I do not believe this! You approve of this Harry?! This is bloody Snape we're talking about! Even though he has been nicer to us and such... he's still Snape! The greasy bat of the dungeons! The one who tormented us the whole of our time at Hogwarts!" yelled Ron eyes wide in disbelief with the accepting reaction of his best friend.

Snape looked a little guilty of that accusation as he knows that what he said was all true. But Harry faced Ron and raised an eyebrow. "Ron, you know that is all a front right? He needed to do that because of his spying! If he did not do that then we'd all be dead today!"

Ron turned to Hermione, "But still! Hermione, you broke it off with me and told me that you weren't ready for relationships! You told me that I was like a brother to you too much but I thought that you'll come around someday. But why the git!?!"

Hermione glared at Ron and prodded his chest with a finger, "Firstly, I wasn't really ready for a relationship then. I wanted to pursue my studies and seeing that I did finish my studies as I am now a professor now I'm not really off my plans now aren't I? Secondly, who gave you the right to keep it your business to know who I ought to date? I love Severus and that's that! And what's more is that he's not a git!"

Harry, Ron and Draco stared in shock. _She loves him? _

Severus smirked again, "Why? Shocked that someone could actually love the bat of the dungeons now are you?"

Ron, still not catching on, or perhaps he just didn't want to believe that there was actually a mutual love between them snarled, "You bastard! What did you made her drink? Amortentia? Or maybe some of your dark spells?"

He tried to punch the potions master but failed as Snape dodged the punch. He tried to kick him but Harry held him. The fighting went on and Hermione tried to stop them but could do nothing as Severus and Harry had cast a protective bubble around them that only they can break. Unfortunately, Draco was within range of the bubble and got stuck too. He was still holding his aching nose and when the bleeding slowed down slightly, he let go of it. He watched the fight and felt out of place as he can't go out of the bubble and was stuck with three full grown men fighting like cat and dogs in front of him. He shrugged, '_Well, if you can't beat them, join them. Maybe this experience will give me new insights for duelling techniques_,' he thought as he joined the rough fight.

Dumbledore was walking down the corridor and was startled upon hearing Hermione's screams and of the sight of his professors fighting. He went to them and asked Hermione of what was happening. She told him what happened and he nodded with understanding. The four of course, were oblivious to their boss' presence and continued on with their punches and kicking. It was obvious that out of it Ron was fighting Severus while he was merely dodging every hit occasionally throwing in a jab or two when needed. Harry was trying to get Ron to calm down and was grabbing him from behind causing him to get hit now and then by a punch or a kick. Draco well... Draco just joined the fight, obviously having fun hitting anyone. In other words, he was just messing around being the fourth wheel in this fight.

Dumbledore thought that it was ironic that four wizards resorted to brawl fighting when they could just have stunned each other, said a curse, and got on with it. It became clear to him that he could not break the bubble and he thought that there was only one way that he could break the fighting professors apart. "Hermione, please cast a charm on yourself to block out your hearing now and don't get it off until I give you the signal okay?"

"Umm, sure Headmaster." Hermione placed the charm on herself and wondered what the headmaster's planning to do.

Dumbledore coughed a little and pointed his wand to his neck. _Sonorous._ "PROFESSORS!" The four broke apart clutching their ears. They felt that their eardrums were going to split due to the close proximity in a small area and it seems that Dumbledore's screaming as much as he could. Not so much for the whole castle to hear of course. Just the whole corridor. "WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOU DOING? YOU WILL STOP THIS THIS INSTANT! HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE IF A STUDENT CAME THROUGH HERE? HE'D THINK THAT WE'RE ENCOURAGING FIGHTS AND SEEING THAT FOUR OF HIS PROFESSORS ARE DOING IT HE'D THINK THAT IT'S ALRIGHT! NOW GET THIS BARRIER REMOVED!" Dumbledore paused and saw them clutching their ears and eyes squinting in pain due to that lecture of his. He got rid of the charm on him and signalled Hermione to remove the charm from herself. She had been quite entertained by the sight of them in pain from that lecture of the headmaster. _But they got what they deserved for fighting in the corridors... Well, I guess I'm not any better for catching a moment in a public hallway but still..._

Harry and Severus removed the barrier and when they emerged it looked like all of them got into a brawl fight, except for Severus. Severus was physically unharmed without a single scratch since he blocked all the attacks for he wasn't a spy for nothing you know? Ron got the worse of it as his attacks backfired to himself and thanks to Severus and Draco he now got two black eyes. Harry was a little tousled, his eyeglasses got broken and it looked like somebody kicked him at the shin. Draco still has his seriously smashed nose, but it also looked like he got hit on his right forearm by a stray limb.

"Tut tut, you should be ashamed of yourselves. You are all professors and you know better than engage in such fights. Now make peace with each other as I do not like my professors bearing grudges against one other. You will sort out your differences and apologize to each other. Ronald, I am aware of Hermione's and Severus' relationship since the start. They are both people who know what they want and will not make rash decisions out of the blue. Their connection is also very strong as they are quite similar in more ways than one. All of you, with the exempt of Hermione, will serve your punishments tonight for causing such a commotion," said Dumbledore with a certain glint in his eye that Severus was all too familiar with. He then knew that the man was planning something eccentric or something that he just knew he wouldn't like.

"But sir, there's a performance of the Weird Sisters tonight to be held in the Great Hall!" complained Draco.

"Yes yes, you will all see and watch that. You will serve your punishments after the performance. Now off to the Infirmary, all of you." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled and walked away whistling to the tune of Eye of the Tiger. Harry, Severus and Hermione recognized it but shook their heads in disbelief. The old man was certainly weird.

They went to the Infirmary and they got out good as new. Ron apologized to Severus and Hermione and they forgave him. He threatened to curse Severus into the next century if he hurts Hermione though. They parted ways and wondered what Dumbledore planned for them tonight. All the men knew was that they did not like that look on the headmaster's face when he walked away, they didn't like it all.

**A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A**

Night came and it was so noisy in the Great Hall. Harry, Ron and Draco were fans of the band and they invited dates to watch the performance as they are fans too. Harry invited Ginny, Ron finally got around asking Luna out, and Draco invited Pansy. Hermione and Severus were in the corner away from the crowds near the stage of the performance. They both prefer muggle music and mostly the classical ones, although they do like other songs too. They just found it hard to listen to songs that included magical creatures in the lyrics. Muggle songs are much more realistic with why you would even want to listen to music.

At last it was already ten o'clock in the evening and the four men just can't help but feel worried as to what their punishments were. It was already late, what could the headmaster possibly have them do? After thirty more minutes the show was nearing to an end and Dumbledore approached each of them offering candy. They of course refused as they are all tired of his lemon drops, but he said that its part of the punishment so they obliged. Little did they know, there was something behind those candies this time.

Finally, the show came to an end and Dumbledore had an announcement to make, "Students! Students! May I call on your attention please?" The hall silenced. "Ah, that's better. Before this show ends, there is going to be an additional performance." He paused and caught the eye of Severus for a moment. The potions master swallowed. _What is this old man up to?_

"You see, I came upon this muggle song and it caught my interest. Now due to an incident this morning, it gave me an idea of what the ending performance is to be. Now I present to you, Professor Malfoy, Professor Potter, Professor Weasley and last, but not the least, Professor Snape!" The hall darkened and another commotion occurred. The four men widened their eyes in shock and in a blink of an eye they were all on the stage in a certain position and spotlights appeared, each one focused on each man.

"What the bloody hell Albus?" exclaimed Severus. All men cannot control their bodies and were very frightened. Very frightened indeed.

"Watch you language Severus. Don't worry professors, this will serve as your punishments. Oh and Severus, I'm glad to tell you that I finally discovered the thirteenth use of Dragon's Blood." he then patted Ron on the shoulder for he was the nearest to him as he left the stage and Ron gulped while making a face full of worry. Severus pondered on what the old man said. '_Thirteenth use of Dragon blood? I can't move, he didn't imperio me for surely he does not want to go to Azkaban. Hmm... Oh bloody hell! The lemon drops! Ugh, I just sucked on dragon's blood..'_

The stage flashed different colors of spotlights and they were just standing there while all students were shouting each of the professors' names. The other professors were in shock too. Most of them were also thanking every deity there is for them not being in that situation. The four dates of the poor men were huddled together all curious of what's going to happen. Suddenly the music started. As the first notes started the other three women were at lost as to what the song is, but Hermione being a muggle-born recognized it immediately. "Merlin! What is Albus up to?" She stared in shock as to what's going to happen.

Severus started and he could not control his mouth as these words flew out of his mouth with a low, husky voice.

"I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love,  
Love's going to leave me...

_'Merlin! I'm never going to get in a physical fight in Hogwarts again! Well... maybe magical duels of course or when really needed," _he thought.

"I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me."

To say that all were in shock was an understatement. Everybody's mouths were hanging open and Hermione could just not believe her ears. The others did not know whether to be disgusted or fascinated by him singing that line.

'_Only if they knew what's inside that robes of his!' _thought Hermione. Then she suddenly remembered the next line of the song and her eyes widened more as she stared at the stage._  
_  
All of them were singing this line.:  
"I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt  
So sexy it hurts"

The whole hall howled in excitement as the four professors were removing their shirts. The other three seemed to be a little embarrassed but Draco seemed to be the only one enjoying the event. Draco was the first one to finish undressing and all were staring at his white, fit, hairless, and muscled torso. He had three faint white scars on his chest caused by the Sectumsempra curse but those scars already blended into his skin. Draco grinned at them obviously proud of his body. He earned more fan girls than ever and he blew a kiss at them as they all melt in their knees. Pansy glared at him and he blew her a kiss as well while winking at her, mouthing something that made the people who didn't understand what he just mouthed extremely lucky.

Ron was the next and they all stared at his chest too. He was muscled due to him playing Quidditch. This earned him more fan girls because he wasn't really that good looking though the fact that he was one of the heroes of the war, being a part of the Golden Trio and now that they saw how his body was of course got girls attracted to him.

The uncovering of Harry was next and more girls swooned. His body was muscular as he also plays Quidditch often and he does keep up with exercise. He has hair all over his chest and on his abdomen leading down his pants. He looked a little insecure but was comforted by Ginny's thumbs up.

Besides all of the other three's undressing, what they saw next left them utterly speechless. Nobody saw the potions master without long sleeved clothes. Even though he did change his clothing to something other than his usual teaching robes now and then, they were still long sleeved. Nobody had seen him without clothing covering his whole body besides his head and his hands and now they were all going to see him topless!

Since he was wearing only wearing a turtleneck and a jacket at the time it was much easier to remove his upper garments than his frock coat with all the buttons though. This caused Severus to inwardly groan about his choice of clothing for the day. He was the last one to remove all of the clothes even if it was just for a split second as he tried to fight the power controlling him. Unfortunately he could not resist it. He removed his clothes and if he could only control his face his eyes would have been wide with shock and probably anger for what Dumbledore just did. When he finally got all his top clothes off his body it had beaten the others by a full mile! His torso was indeed muscular in a lean way and was well sculpted. He even had a prominent 8-pack which beat Ron's visible, but not prominent 6-pack a great deal.

These revelations were a shock to everyone as they thought that he was thin! It would seem that his body was just hidden by his choice of clothes! His chest was topped with a thin layer of hair and his whole torso was covered with scars which made the whole hall gasp. There were also many large scars on his chest that seemed to be covered by another scar and another and all of these were evidences that dark magic was used for those kind of spells causes scars could not be removed. The scars were certainly of his suffering under Voldemort and the audience were once again overcome with the shame of having doubted him and of treating him like dirt. They all also saw the bite of Nagini on his neck which was now a dark brown scar. Now they know why he was hiding under those long sleeve clothes of his, to hide all those scars. But nevertheless, all the admirers were cheering for him now not only in admiration for his body but for his bravery as well. This made Draco snort with disbelief. The sights of his mutilated body being talked and gossiped about by some almost sent Hermione into a fit of tears. Even though she had seen them before, she was once again extremely sad for Severus to having gone through all that. He comforted her then and said that it was alright and that he could take it then for he's really strong and that Poppy was always there to heal him. She thanked God once more for having the reign of the Dark Lord ended.

Their gazes on the potions master were adverted when Draco sung these next lines.  
"And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan  
New York and Japan"

He made different poses showing off his body. He imitated a few poses of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Severus just smirked at the boy. Almost all of the girls at the hall were cheering for him now. The other three also posed different macho poses. Harry's poses were like he was holding a sword and other poses that gave off a brave vibe. Ron's poses were somewhat macho showing off his biceps. Severus' poses gave of vibes of darkness and a slightly seductive. His poses gave Hermione a little shudder. Now Ron seemed to enjoy the attention he was getting as well. Harry was just still a little uncomfortable while Severus was seething with anger at the old man.

"_I'm going to kill that old codger."_ He could see the twinkling eyes of the headmaster and as much as he would like to send an evil glare to him his face was controlled to look dark and brooding, which was fine by the way, but those looks were useless without the glare.

It was Harry's turn to sing.  
"And I'm too sexy for your party  
Too sexy for your party  
No way I'm disco dancing"

While he sang that he just lifted his arms in front of him shaking to the music. Draco's smoothly rocked to his sides somehow trying to be as sexy as he could be. Ron was just lifting his arms at his sides shaking to the music as well. Once again all attention shifted to Severus as he seemed to be the only one among the four who knew how to disco.

'_Dumbledore can only make us do what we can do! Obviously these three doesn't know a thing about the proper way to disco and unfortunately I know how!' _He pointed his finger up and down, did a little boogie and ended with a moonwalk. He never felt more embarrassed. Well, except when those marauders took off his pants that is. '_I'm going to wring the neck of that headmaster! My reputation is ruined! At least I'm a better dancer than the three of these dunderheads.'_ He smirked at that, but his smirk ended as he felt his mouth move.

Snape walked to the front and sang. They were all entranced by his deep entrancing voice. All the women were mesmerized, the men were just jealous.  
He raised an eyebrow. "I'm a model you know what I mean."

"And I do my little turn on the catwalk," He went to the front and turned around with an edge as he always does with his dramatic way of walking

"Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah," He walked to the back and turned to the front again and moved hands suggestively.  
**[A.N. This is like when he walked at that duel with Lockhart!]**

"I do my little turn on the catwalk" He raised an eyebrow, turned once more and then went back to his position.

When he first turned around though, gasps went out the hall again as his back was also full of deep long but larger scars. There were also signs of lashes and those balls with spikes. For them not to be removed was also a sign that the torture items were probably inflicted with dark magic or poison too, but most of the students in the hall didn't know that. Most of those who knew were those whose family member had been inflicted with a wound by dark magic and now remained as a scar. All those walking and turns he did. Then the others walked back and forth all of their turns, now with their own signature edges. Hermione giggled for that line to be sung by Severus. It suited him, now his dramatic walking was more emphasized as he finally pointed it out. Meanwhile, they heard a growl and was startled to suddenly see the flying car, which the trio lost long ago, go through the window turning intangible and landing on the stage. Somehow, it looked brand as new. Severus thought that this was Dumbledore's doing as well.

Ron went to the car and stroked it as he sang. The three other men went to the car and leaned on it like it was their own.  
"I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car  
Too sexy by far," said Ron as seductively as he could.

He threw his hat to the crowd and they fought for who gets to keep it.

"And I'm too sexy for my hat  
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that!"

After that they went back to their positions as the car flew out again. The control Dumbledore had completely stopped Ron from chasing the car though.

Now they were all singing simultaneously.  
"I'm a model you know what I mean," Draco pointed both thumbs to himself.  
"And I do my little turn on the catwalk," Severus turned around dramatically.  
"Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah," Harry moved his hands as if stating the obvious.  
"I shake my little tush on the catwalk," Ron did a wave with his body.

"I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my" Each word were sung simultaneously here.

They were now all singing together each one posing and walking a few steps only to turn around and they all did a wave.  
"'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little tush on the catwalk."

Dumbledore knew that the song was ending and as much as he would have loved to see the end of the show, if he was to remain alive he had to leave now and hide in his office. He said his goodbye to McGonagall and then went straight up to his tower. He took the letter he kept in his drawer and gave it to Fawkes to give to McGonagall. He took all the belongings that he needed and warded his doors a hundredfold. Then he apparated out of his office as he let the restriction down momentarily to go to Hawaii. At least he'll be getting his much needed vacation for a very good reason. And that reason was to hide from a very livid potions master who he just probably embarrassed to the whole school. '_I feel a little awful for doing that to him. Well, it cannot be that humiliating. It even became a proof that he is not thin but has a very hot body. Oh dear, Albus, you better handle yourself better with thoughts like that. You're too old to be going after such men,' _he thought and then he whisked himself away to his secret vacation house.

"I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat," Draco sang as he he lifted an arm to show off his muscles.

"Poor pussy poor pussy cat," Ron made a pouty face with puppy dog eyes.

"I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love," Severus had a hand on his heart while the other hand is lifted as if expressing his emotions and explaining.

"Love's going to leave me," Harry placed his hands on his heart and then removed them with his his arms spread to his sides.

"And I'm too sexy for this song," they sang altogether.

They all made poses with different directions where their arms are crossed over their chests. After the howls and screams of everyone in the Great Hall the four felt their bodies coming back to their control.

"What happened?" asked Harry while wearing his button down shirt again.

"Dumbledore happened. And knowing him, I bet that he's already out of the castle," grumbled Severus while magically clothing himself once more.

"Well that's certainly exciting now wasn't it?" exclaimed Draco.

Ron beamed, "Yeah! This is probably the best punishment ever!"

Harry gave no comment as he did not yet know what he really felt about the odd experience.

Severus snarled, "The best? The best? What? This is probably the worst! I'd rather take another punishment from the Dark Lord than do that again!"

Draco went to his godfather and patted him on the back. "There there Severus, not all of us are as strong as you. You could be Hercules for having to go through all that torture. And hiding that body underneath all of those robes.. if I were you I would be wearing a tight black shirt that'll emphasize my body! And you're wasting yours like that?" Severus removed Draco's arm from his back and stalked down the stage to Hermione. A few glares did the trick for the students to stop looking at him. So they paid their attention to the other three who were going down as well.

"Severus, you were great!" said Hermione cheerfully to his lover.

"Hmph." That was all the response she could get from him now.

The other three went to their dates and they also praised their men as they talked about what just happened.

"Severus, how in the world were you made to dance there? You were like under the Imperius. You weren't, weren't you?" Hermione asked worriedly.

"No, I wasn't Hermione, but Albus was controlling us. He hinted that he finally found the thirteenth use of dragon's blood. It would seem that he made lemon drops using whatever method he used to create those mind control potions."

"Then why aren't you off to go to him now?"

"He probably already left to somewhere, knowing him. But once he's back he'll never know what hit him."

"Hey, they're playing a song, do you want to dance Severus?"

"Of course Hermione. I guess now that my reputation is tarnished it wouldn't hurt to finally show them that I could tango now isn't it?"

"Your reputation? Tarnished? Never. Just go on with your usual self and I believe that that reputation would maintain on its own."

He took her hand and led her into the dance floor and became the first couple to dance. It would be apparent that they were the only ones able to dance a tango and the onlookers all cheered for them. As a finale Severus dipped Hermione and kissed her right in front of everyone. Of course this also earned a full round of gasps and shock from everyone. But most of them can see why she would want him. Now that they saw what his body was like that is. They were still arguing of who had the sexiest body there.

**A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A**

After that night, to no wonder but to the amazement of one Severus Snape, the dance last night did not miss the front page of the Daily Prophet. He looked for the writer and smirked. _Rita Skeeter._ He wondered how in the world that woman gets these kinds of news. He distinctly remembered Hermione mentioning something about a secret concerning the Skeeter woman. _'Perhaps it would be a goodidea to ask her sometime,'_ he thought. He read a few lines and laughed at a few of them.

**Hogwarts' Professors Are TOO SEXY!!!**  
by _Rita Skeeter_

_Last night, the Weird Sisters played a gig at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I was just visiting there when as it ended I prepared to leave. Suddenly, the headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, had an announcement to make. He said that there is to be a special performance so of course I stayed to hear what he had to say. I was shocked to say the least, when he said that the people to be performing were Harry Potter, the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and the Boy Who Lived, Ronald Weasley, the Flying instructor and third of the Golden trio, Draco Malfoy, Dueling club professor and Ministry official, and Severus Snape, potions master and former spy. When I heard those names I knew I needed to stay. Then I heard them play the song "I'm Too Sexy" which is a muggle song. During the performance I was dumbstruck as they took off their shirts! Each revealing a muscled body that every woman dreams of. To give details, each one of them has a distinct kind of body, Draco Malfoy has a white hairless masculine body with three large white scars that seemed to blend with his skin , Harry Potter has a macho body with a 6-pack to top it off, he also has this sexy chest hair and hair leading down his abdomen which lead down his pants, Ronald Weasley has a masculine body with a hard 6-pack complete with his muscled buffed up arms, while Severus Snape surprisingly has a very masculine and well sculpted body. He even beats Potter and Weasley as he has a hard rock slender body complete with an 8-pack. It was a wonder how he kept all of those muscles underneath those robes. If he just wore other clothing his supposed to be "thin" body wouldn't have been so but is....._

He stopped reading and snorted. He looked at the pictures and saw himself and his three colleagues topless. When has the Prophet become a tabloid? Oh yeah right, better a tabloid than its usual lying drabble now isn't it? Nice not to mention that his body resembles an old chopping board due to all those scars. He wondered though why there's this _Skeeter_ edge that's missing in the article though. Hermione peeked over his shoulder and read it too. "Hell with it! I told her not to write anything like that! Oh that menacing woman, I'll leave no loopholes next time!"

Severus turned around to look her angry form. "What do you mean you told her?"

"Well.. umm.. you see I caught her again last night and I interrogated her asking if she's going to publish such an article. She told me yes and I told her not to put anything beyond the truth and that she should not ruin anyone's reputation in that drabble she writes or else I'll tell her secret."

"What secret?" asked Severus curiously.

"You see, in my fourth year, I caught her in her Animagus form and then learned that she is an unregistered Animagus. So now I constantly threaten her when I can for her to leave people alone or else I'll tell the ministry."

"I see. What is her form anyway and why did you not report her to the ministry in the first place?"

"Her form is a beetle and I do not report her to the ministry so that somehow I could have a control as to what's published in the Daily Prophet through her articles."

Severus stood up and wrapped his arms around her. "Ah, so my little Gryffindor is actually thinking like a Slytherin. Since your fourth year eh? You must be a wolf in sheep's skin then."

Hermione smirked. "Well, maybe, sort of." Her gaze went to the newspaper he left on his armchair and then saw something that sparked her interest.

She picked up the newspaper and looked. "Ooh, what's this? Wizarding World's most eligible bachelors... interesting... maybe I should find a boyfriend here now shouldn't I?" teased Hermione.

"You would do nothing like that woman! You. Are. Mine." he growled and nipped her ear. He stole a glance at the list and his eyes widened. "What? Hermione may I see that paper?" She gave the newspaper to him and was startled by his sudden reaction. "Oh Merlin… what daft being writes this list?"

"The list is voted by most of the females of the Wizarding world and they make use of this magical object that is linked to the Room of Names in the ministry. Why do you ask?"

Severus just gulped and pointed at something at the list. She looked and when she saw what he was pointing at and laughed. "It's not funny," said Severus.

"Haha... what's the problem Severus? I might actually pick out a boyfriend from the list after all. So you're placed second as the most eligible bachelor. Are you angry that Harry beat you for the first?"

"No. It's just that I've never been on the top 10 and Merlin knows that I shouldn't have been on the bloody list in the first place! So they actually think that my body's sexy and it moves my rank to the second place? Look at the description, "silky velvet voice" and "muscular sexy body"? What in the world were they thinking? Now what? Girls are just going to crowd over me because of that? And why in the world is my picture there from last night? Sexy body? Haven't they even thought that this mutilated body of mine is enough to send a witch crying and probably traumatized of seeing a naked man?"

Hermione hugged the babbling man and kissed him on the lips. She wrapped her arms around him. "Now Severus, you are sexy. One who could not see that is a fool. Even without seeing your body just with your personality I would always love you."

"But… but... I am not really a handsome man Hermione..."

"You are Severus. For instance, I love your nose." She kissed his nose. "I love your eyes." She kissed his eyelids. "I love your lips." She kissed his lips and her tongue entered his mouth as both are absorbed by the kiss and then she pulled out. "I love everything about you. Don't ever doubt that Severus Snape. If there's someone to doubt in this relationship it should be me. What could a great potions master like you see in a woman like me? I am plain and it's obvious that despite me hanging out with a lot of boys only two of them ever even tried to approach me. Namely Viktor Krum and Ronald Weasley."

"You doubt my love for you? Hermione, I love you, you are the only woman that ever reciprocated my feelings and you are the only woman to make me feel wanted. You're the most intelligent and determined woman I've ever met. You know I have a secret actually..." Severus blushed.

"What's that?" Hermione asked curiously.

"You my dear, is actually my first kiss." If Severus could blush his cheeks would be redder than a tomato. So he quite lucky that he couldn't.

"Really?" Hermione smiled. "You are my first kiss too!"

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? I heard that Krum has taken quite a fancy for you before and then I know that there were betting pools at the staff table of who would make the first move between you and Weasley."

"It's true! I never liked any of them. I just went on with the dates they invited me to just to experience what it is like to be in a date. I was still young and curious then. So you mean you've never kissed a single person perhaps other than your mother for the whole of your thirty-nine years of life? I thought you loved Harry's mum before?"

"Yes... are you insulting me woman?" His eyes narrowed. "And no, I never kissed Lily. Never got the chance to do so."

"No... well, maybe yes.. teasing maybe..." She gave a guilty expression.

"You my dear, deserves to be punished."

"Punished? Oh what did I do to suffer such a fate!" Hermione exaggerated her expression and actions.

He growled and wiggled his fingers at her, "Oh severely punished."

"Oh no... No... No.... Severus!" She ran away from him and he chased her. Since he was faster, he caught her and proceeded to tickle her. "Stop Severus! Oh... hahaha.... that tickles.. no... not there... not there! Hahahahaha... hahahaha... stop it Severus... oh no! I just remembered something!"

Severus stopped at her serious expression. "What is it?"

"That Skeeter woman actually said you are sexy in that article of hers and the evidence is in the picture! That's why I reacted earlier when I saw the article," she fumed.

"So? I thought you said that was good?" asked a confused Severus.

"No! It would mean that others would want you too! But you're mine! And it says that you're the second most eligible bachelor! They would certainly fawn over you with that hero background of yours and tragic love for Lily Potter!" ranted Hermione.

"That's what you're scared about? Then I would tell them to bugger off for I am already taken by an enchanting and far more intelligent woman that is far more interesting than they'll ever be as their brains are hollow and needs serious fillings," said Severus with a smile.

"Oh, that'd be too harsh... just take away the part about their brains and the fillings okay?" She smiled innocently at him.

He smiled back. "Okay," and then he leaned in to kiss her.

**A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A**

Meanwhile, Minerva was drinking tea in her quarters when she noticed a letter on her desk. She looked at it and saw the Headmaster's seal, which is the letter D with a background of a lemon drop. She opened it and read its contents.  
_  
Dear Minerva,_

_I am sorry if I couldn't have told you this personally for I had to leave urgently due to fear for my life. You see, it was I who made Severus, Draco, Harry, and Ronald dance like that on stage. I told them that it was their punishment for a brawl fight that had occurred earlier today. As you know, I have been thinking about taking a vacation for some time now and then when I remembered that muggle song I decided to have some fun and found some reason as to why I should take a vacation. So you now know that I truly had to leave for I would fear for my life more now that it is Severus who is going after me than the time when Voldemort himself was alive. I am giving all responsibility to you for the few following weeks until my return. Please accept this favour of mine and good luck in running the school for the mean time._

_Albus Percival Brian Wulfric Dumbledore,  
Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_  
_  
P.S. I learned about Nerds_ last week

Minerva shook her head. '_That man is truly mad,' _she thought_._ She figured the password for the office must be "Nerds", whatever that is, since the headmaster usually places his password on the "P.S." part of his messages. She slipped the letter into her pocket and headed to her desk. She knew that there were plenty of paperwork that month which was probably one of the reasons why he picked this month to leave of all times. '_That blasted old man.'_

**A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A**

The weeks passed and more rumours and gossips spread out. The hot topics of those weeks were the four sexy professors. There was not a time while they were teaching that not at least a single girl was ogling at them. The other three found it a little hard to handle their classes now but were adapting. However, Severus just remained the same way and his classes were the same way as before. This means he still intimidated students and his potions classroom was free from the wrong actions those students not paying attention creates.

The day came when Dumbledore finally came back. At first he thought that it's lucky that nobody seemed to notice his return but he's wrong. Severus and Hermione broke through his wards and found his mind control lemon drops. Severus analyzed it and changed it so that those that take it would follow his commands. They managed to do it by Hermione's expert portrait repelling spell which was like the muggle repelling charm where they remember to do something else causing them to go somewhere else and as this applies to the portraits they're not in their frames to see whatever the two professors were doing.

Dumbledore came in his office and was glad to find his wards in place. He asked the portraits if anything happened and they said that there's not much. Hermione removed the spell after their little mission. Dumbledore sat on his chair and took a lemon drop. One of those mind control lemon drops to be exact. He read some parts of a book he has and then went off to bed. The next day he felt that there's something wrong. He woke up late, around 7:30 am and he should have been in the Great Hall before 7 am for breakfast. He did not wear his robes but wore his Hawaiian shirt and shorts. He then knew that he was being controlled. But it couldn't have been the Imperius as he was certain that nobody did that. Then he remembered his lemon drops. '_Severus!' _he thought shocked_._ But there's no use, he went out of his office in nothing but the Hawaiian shirt, shorts and sandals.

He walked towards the Great hall and made quite the entrance by opening the doors and slamming it on the walls. He continued to stride down the aisles in all his Hawaiian glory. The hall broke into giggles. Then Severus flicked his wand and a song played.

Dumbledore stood in front of the head table and declared. "I have an announcement to make! I should have told this years ago but I just can't help it! I'm gay!!!"

All of the people in the Great Hall gasped, horrified. All except for Severus of course. Believe it or not, the headmaster himself told him that he is gay before. He never told him not to speak of it to anyone so he was not breaking any promises by this thing. So, here was the chance of actually letting others know why Albus never got together with McGonagall. Severus thought that nobody would really believe his declaration though. The man himself is stiff as a matchstick.

Everyone freaked, some choked and some sputtered either food or drink as he started singing and dancing.

"One, two, ready go

"I'm tired of boys who make me cry  
They cheat on me and they tell me lies  
I want a love who'll never stray  
When he sees other girls, he looks away  
And if he never kisses me, well that's alright  
'Cos we can just cuddle all night

"Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend  
I don't really care that you are queer  
Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend  
I never feel lonely when you are near

"It'll be a great romance  
We'll go shopping and buy blue robes  
You don't care how old I am, just how fabulous my dress is

"Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend  
I don't really care that you are queer  
Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend  
I never feel lonely when you are near

"One, two, ready go  
You cry at , on our dates  
Romantic comedies sure are great  
But when you're sad I'll dry your tears  
'Cos I'll always think that you are fierce

"I like lemon drops, and that's no gag  
But you'll always be my favorite fag  
You'll always be my favorite fag  
You'll always be my favorite fag

"My gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend  
I don't really care that you are queer  
Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend  
I never feel lonely when you are near  
Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend  
I don't really care that you are queer  
Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend  
I never feel lonely when you are near  
Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend  
I don't really care that you are queer  
Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend  
I never feel lonely when you are near"

When the song was finished he stopped and glared at Severus who raised an eyebrow as he raised a goblet at him. "Nice job headmaster. Now we're even."  
Dumbledore sighed for he knew that he should just accept it. It could have been worse. He shuddered at the thought of what sort of revenge the potions master might have planned for him if he embarrassed him five years ago. '_Yes, this revenge is certainly better.'_

The whole hall clapped their hands reluctantly while the other students got a kick of what the headmaster just did. There were those that cheered and screamed the headmaster's name. They pounded on their tables and cheered "PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE!" over and over again. Albus could do nothing but just bow and smile and he tried to act normal as if the dance was really his plan. He headed to his seat while the other professors stared at him with slacked jaws. He just ate paying no attention to the others. He ate his breakfast with a straight face. But inside he was really embarrassed. Thanks to his beard, nobody could see him blushing all throughout the morning.

That singing and dancing of his added to the talks of the students in the hall. All were either talking about the four sexy professors or about the spectacle their headmaster made. Some Ravenclaws thought that the two shows were related but they have Gryffindor friends who told them that there was no relation at all, so they dismissed the thought. Pity though, if they pondered long enough, they might have just discovered what really happened. Of course, the dance that Dumbledore made was purely by him only. Severus wouldn't dare him approach the other students for the school board of governors might sack Albus for very inappropriate actions. An example would be hitting on a male student. By a male headmaster. But Severus didn't want that. He's not _that_ angry with the man. Dumbledore was still one of the best headmasters the school has ever seen he got to admit. No, Dumbledore just shaked his hips and walked as feminine as he could. Severus thought that that would humiliate the meddling headmaster enough.

Hermione gazed at Severus. "You're amazing, you know that?"

Severus looked at her. "No. But now that you said it, I know that at least someone thinks so."

"Is Albus really gay?"

"Yes, he told me ten years ago."

"But no one will believe that declaration of his..."

"You're right, probably not. But still, it's funny to hear him sing like that. Gives him a taste of his own medicine I think."

Hermione had a sly grin on and asked. "Why not just let him through the same thing as you did?"

Severus shuddered at the thought. "I'd rather not. Seeing the headmaster topless and doing all that would probably earn Poppy a line of hundreds of students and teachers for being sick by the sight."

Hermione leaned on his arm and looked at him. "Best revenge ever isn't it?"

"Yes, it is the best revenge ever," Severus kissed her forehead as it would be inappropriate to encourage physical affection in public like kissing of lips to lips to students so nobody should do so during school days. Only in private and during occasions was it allowed. "But if you ask me I should have done more to the man. He deserves a lot more pranks since he had been doing so with his meddling for years."

"Then why won't you?"

Severus smirked. "You sly vixen." Then he spoon-fed her from his plate as she spoon-fed him from her plate and then they shared a loving look.

The Wizarding world wasn't about to forget all of that sexy dance though. Each of the professors still got chased by girls and women. Even when they were already married. Yes. The next year they married the dates they brought when they danced before. It lessened their fan girls but they were still ambushed at times and there were uncomfortable moments made by those lusty seducing women. But nevertheless, they are happy with their wives, as their wives are happy with them.

The thing about the headmaster's declaration and sing and dance fortunately never made the Daily Prophet, which was much to Severus' dismay. Some students believe that the headmaster was just being his usual eccentric self and just decided to fool around. While some said that the headmaster really was gay, which explained why he and McGonagall never got together even if they were close friends. Albus learned his lesson that whenever he would punish his professors, he should stick to the classic punishments. But if the punishment did not have an effect, he thought that he could just go on with embarrassing them and go on with another vacation. The downside is the revenge part though. Perhaps he should write a book about such topics? '_Yes, that would be nice'_ he thought.

**A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A#A**

**A.N. I know that the ending may not be proper. But I felt that it should end that way. Yeah, I disregarded the fact that Severus and Dumbledore died. I also disregarded the fact that Hermione and Ron kissed during the Final Battle. Also please comment and review!**


End file.
